Forgive: to stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake; to no longer feel angry about or wish to punish (an offence, flaw, or mistake).
Since the last time I said I was going to post on my blog; I've been having a nudge to write on forgiveness and I've not been able to write about any other thing.
I've been holding back, because, you know me na, I don't have any form of shyness when it comes to revealing something about me that will teach another person to be and do better and I'm a shy person that is not shy.🤭
Soooooo, 2019 was my year to forgive. I call it that because a few persons I trusted hurt me so much that it was almost necessary to disgrace them.😄 It wasn't funny sha o.
So I process things a lot and I'm not a hasty decision maker, but when I make up my mind, forget it. Only God can fit....😉
Yes, I was hurt, but I knew the only way I could undo the hurt was to forgive. The question was then, "how do I forgive the way God would want me to?" Trust me, I have forgiven in the past, somuch that sometimes I forget how much they hurt me, but my mum would always keep me in check. And I'm grateful for that because forgiveness comes with knowing your place, worth and value with whow you have forgiven.
Anyways, this past year forgiveness was on another level. Betrayal 001, on every level. The tablet was extremely bitter to chew, but I knew I had to take it.
So, I decided to take on prayers for myself to let it go, because truth is, only God can help you let go of some things that hurt you.
I remember sleeping that night crying bitterly, asking God why good people are vulnerable to people who betray them because of their decision to trust.
My dear, as I woke up the next morning, I was heavy and I couldn't hold the tears, it took the best of me.😭😭😭😭 Guess what I heard strongly in my spirit? PRAY FOR THEM FOR 10DAYS. I was led to write some prayer points on my prayer journal that morning and it shocked me that they all had to do with blessing these individuals who hurt me and praying for their true salvation. Chai!!😢🙆♀️ Lord it's not fair this thing you're telling me to do o. I want to pray for myself rather, you are instructing me to pray for them, morning and night. Welldone sir.
I eventually embarked on that journey of prayer and everytime I did, I cried my heart out. But from the 4th day, I realized I wasn't as touchy as I used to be, and before the 10th day, I was all free. Peace unfathomable. I found out that when I came in contact with them, I just pitied them for their naivety. They feel guilty (I suppose), but they can't say. As for me, I have moved on with my life with peace. Till tomorrow they always have this defensive attitude when I'm around but me I just laugh.
A few persons that know the whole story always say to me, "Ala, i don't know how you do it", but I always tell them, it's not just Ala, it's the Holyspirit.
Have you been hurt so deeply and badly by the people you trust? Are you caught in the web of anger when you see/remember/hear some persons because of what they did to you? If you search deep down, and you realize that you are living in unforgiveness, you have to ask The Holyspirit to help you let it go.
I know this is for someone out here.
Forgive! Let it go! Forget! It's for your sanity.
BUT, forgiving and forgetting doesn't mean you shouldn't be wise enough to remember the place of the ones you have forgiven.
As for the stories behind this write up, in due time, if I'm led to, I would share. I'm not promising though, but sha, forgive.😉
And if you've been hurt and you find it difficult to scale through, or you have a forgiveness story and you wouldn't mind sharing how you forgave, please share with me via alaowilcox@gmail.com.
▪︎ Ala O. Wilcox
#alawilcoxblog #thejourney #forgiveness #blog #peace #tranquility #forget
My body was doing me skweskwe that period. Skweskwe is a way of me saying 'have sex, have sex'. 😁Please don't come and ask me this question in person, I'm shy🙄.
So since it was doing me like that, I needed to talk to someone to find out when was safe and unsafe for me and there was no better person than a sisi that was in the game regularly to give me the information I needed. Especially as google was not our well known friend that year.
The chikala I asked told me, 7 days before and 7 days after menstruation were my protected days. I struggled somuch in my heart and I could not ask my friends in school then before they will judge me like I'm not a girl with hormones.🙄
It came to mind to visit Cee that period. She wasn't a perfect girl, she even slept with a few married men to keep up with her bills (life hard sha), but she was real. To my utmost surprise, she gave me the warning of my life and told me outrightly that she will unfriend me if I do it. Cee reminded me of my values and the fact that it wasn't worth it. She talked sense into my head that night in such a way that when I left her house the next morning, my hormones received enough sense for another few months.
Do you have a friend like Cee who will tell you as it is even when she has an opportunity to get you into the game she's into?
Are you a friend like Cee who has made wrong choices or perhaps, circumstances have made you make wrong choices, but you're willing to tell the truth to the other person who wants to get into what you know is wrong?
Would you want people to feel the pain you feel/felt from the wrong choices you made or would you prefer to tell them as it is and dissuade them from making some/same mistakes you made?
🤔
Search yourself today. Be a friend like/better than Cee, and this world would be a more habitable place.
By the way, Christmas is loading.💃🏽💃🏽 This is an intentional message.😊
My Thoughts
Ala O. Wilcox
#skweskwe #cee #goodfriend #relationships #choices #decisions
I really don't like to say I'm sorry.😏
Please wait! Before you judge me, read to the end.
I'm sorry is just three words coined into two words. Is it really a big deal to say it when I'm wrong? No, not at all. But must I say it? No too. It's my choice to or not to. Must I justify why I shouldn't say it? Not really, but I will, to you.
'I'm sorry' you will agree can be one of the shortest but most difficult words for some people to say, especially when they are wrong. Why wouldn't they honestly say sorry when they are at fault? I believe ego and pride, but you might have another or other opinions.
However, there are some people that find it very easy to say it, but they never mean it. In my opinion, I think most times that this set of people are crafty and deceitful. That might not be the case too.
I started with "I don't like to say I'm sorry" and I'm sure your question is why?
It's simply because I always think that I can do the right thing and receive a thank you, a smile or a warm gaze or hug rather than weaken my chances of building trust. It doesn't mean I should or can be perfect o. It means I should discipline myself enough to always do what is right and keep to my words which inturn makes me a person of integrity.
Many times, we use the availability of the word 'I'm sorry' as a yardstick to not be accountable. Sometimes we are even genuine about it, but in our subconscious, we have created an excuse of 'I'm sorry'.
I want to keep this as short as possible and I can't explain everything, but I believe that if you read, reread and brood on this, you will have a deeper understanding of why I really don't like to say 'I'm sorry'.
My Thoughts.
ALA O. WILCOX
#alawilcoxblog #AlaWilcox #Imsorry #unlike #understand #why #dontjudge
😂😂Let me give you gist of what this meme reminds me of.
So there was this guy that liked me and I was beginning to like back.😊 He was very real that I was attracted to his realness. I don't like people that form like they are perfect.
Rewind to a relationship I was in where the guy was always packaging to be what he was not, and was upset and felt disrespected when I said things like 'Hey love'. 😥Hey is supposed to be an informal way of saying 'hi'. Farting before him was gross and talking to him from the toilet was a no no. My dear, me sef I tired* for the matter.🤦♀️
Fast forward to the second official day of hangout with this uncle I was beginning to like, I farted.😰🤦♀️
See ehn, when my entire system is comfortable with you ehn, the system will just want to embarrass me for nothing.😓
It was telling him 'I like you bro', and the guy started laughing and said 'you cannot even form for me small sef'. I told him the world is too serious for me to be forming. The laughter we shared after that supposed embarrassing moment made me know we could be very good friends.
PS: My fart does not smell, it just wants to test you by embarrassing me.😂🤣
For those thinking that this is a love story, calm down. Na only likeness and friendship.😉🙄
Anyways, I hope I didn't fart too soon?😥 And please don't judge me.🤭
Ala O. Wilcox
Photo credit @twitter
#alawilcoxblog #AlaWilcox #fart #relationships #relationshipgoals
As we started sailing in the canoe, the sailor said "the water is 2.9m deep, there are crocodiles, tiger fish,..." that's when I stopped hearing o.
Any pim, and we fall into this water, I will be in a water that is as deep as the floor to ceiling of a house after its tiled and roofed. I also stand the danger of being eaten by a croco.... and/tiger ....🙆♀️ I sat as still as I could.😂
But then again, I came on this sail not to be scared but to do something different and do it differently. Guess what? I told the sailor to take me on a second trip, took a selfie and sat smiling and smelling nature.😊😊🥰
As you step into this week, things might look like they are pressing on you, it might seem like your year would not end well, it might also look like if you embark on this sail, you will fall into crocodiles and you stand a chance to be drowned or eaten, you might be unsure about the end. But, never forget that with the right thoughts, attitude and with God, everything will be fine. You will come out fine and unscathed from the midst of the storm.
Trust God.😊🙏
Smile.😊
Ala O. Wilcox
#AlaWilcox #copyright #boat #canoe #ride #smile #inspire
As a young teenager, I loved packaging. Food was never my thing, no wonder my dad didn't miss sending Complant and my mum made sure I didn't miss taking it for 2 years. This was sha a digress to let you know I was once slim.😋 Let me jejely digress back.
So as someone who didn't like to eat and really loved good packaging, I had gotten small amount of likeness for pap/ogi/ (you can add you dialects rendition), and I loved it thick with lots of milk in it, preferably powdered and liquid milk.😉
My packaging intuition now made me use one of those icecream cups that takes a good amount of icecream to pour my pap in, and the creative part made me put it in the fridge for a few minutes (I really don't like very hot food), then I served myself with liquid peak milk using an icecream spoon to enjoy the sweetheart goodness.🤭
As I went out on the balcony on the first floor of my grand dad's house, I took some coconut biscuit alongside and sat on the long stool. I enjoyed my newly packaged papcream goodness like it was the best thing that was happening to me and I attracted interested neighbours who wanted to enjoy what I was enjoying.
Eventually, one of my friends had to climb the high stone seat slab that was made for seating on the ground floor and was trying to stretch his hands to reach the first floor to collect my papcream goodness thinking it was icecream. He was actually begging me for it, and I told him the original content, but he assumed I was lying and didn't want to share, so I had to go downstairs and let him take a spoon for him to believe me. 😂😄🤭
He was a little bit disappointed at me deceiving him but I had told him the truth and he refused to believe till he confirmed it for himself and that was not my gbese. Laslas, he loved my papcream goodness, so we had it together.😄 To me, this was a win win situation.
Why did I bring this my papcream goodness story?
There are negative and positive sides to it.
I realized that in my generation, so many people are so mesmerized with packaging that they have taken the wrong route by pretending to be what they are not, therefore losing their true identities and picking up an identity they have no background clue about.
But still, I see through this that my generation can package for the love of wanting to stand out and not lose their identity.
Whether we like it or not, we really do not want to share the worst of us out there, but in the midst of not sharing the worst, we can still be true to who we are.
Imagine my papcream goodness was not worth the stress of my friend trying to stretch himself to reach the first floor's balcony from the ground floor, and I lied that it was actual icecream? He would have termed me a fraud and he certainly would not believe anything I say after that day.
We should understand that whatever we do, whether packaging, preferring false image to others, living fake lives, being a person of integrity and living a life of humility, it has a ripple effect on others and on us. It gives people a perception of who we are and that perception either helps us grow or fail.
What ripple effect do you want served?
Think about it and make your choice today.
There are so many other lessons but I'll leave you to read, think through and share. As for me, I rest my case.
My Thoughts.
Ala O. Wilcox
#alawilcoxblog #AlaWilcox #blogger #papcreamgoodness #milk #sweetness #ripple #goodness #lessons #share #choices
"I'm a deacon in church" he said to Kehinde. She was surprised at the effontery he was using to say it. How can this man be so proud of being a deacon when he is actually doing the wrong thing? The matter just tire the girl at that moment.
As much as she was surprised, she still respected him and only shared the conversation that transpired between them to her friend Bode. Bode was furious and wanted to go confront the deacon, but she pleaded and persuaded him not to. "People are growing differently in the body of faith", she said to him.
Kehinde, a sanguine. She laughed so hard at everything that seemed funny, including her blunders. As a free-spirited and loveable person, she loved everyone, tried to judge no one and lived her life like there was no evil existing in the world. Her mother always warned her about being too free spirited and over trusting people, but everything fell on deaf ears.
As a girl who was free-spirited, she didn't have anything to hide. Her thoughts were, rather than pretend and show people what you want them to see, do everything in plain sight and allow God and you be the judge of you. She wasn't a pretentious or hypocritical person, and she had nothing to hide.
As good as she was, church people aka judge people termed her as bad.
She grew up wearing short skirts and was comfortable in them. She was a semi tomboy so she hung out with guys more. She had friends who were in and outside of church and she blended well with all of them but set boundaries so her friends respected her for who she was.
Guess what? They judged her because of short skirt suits and her affiliations with more guys than girls. They termed her the girl who influenced her age mates for doing wrong. Meanwhile in the course of her mingling with other church people her age, she realized that many of them were pretentious and act what they are not and
don't mean. "Anyways, it's not my business. Everyone should carry their cross.", she always told herself when she thought about it.
As a young adolescent growing into adulthood, she expected her teachers to see her for who she really is, not judge her, and love her as she is, the way she doesn't judge others. But, it was a different scenario. They saw her as the rotten egg. They tried to spoil her name and reputation for being plain.
Meanwhile, a youth Pastor told her one day he came to visit her in school "come let's go and have sex in a hotel". As mad as she was, she still put him straight with respect. But judge people were calling the guy and warning him to stay away from her cause she is temptation.
Kehinde got every information straight from Pastor Chukwudi's mouth because after her straightening him, his respect for her grew and they became genuine friends.
****
There are many girls and boys like Kehinde and there are many christians like judge people. My word to the Kehinde's is, don't let the rot and ingenuity of some judge people unchurch you. Stay true to you and to God. We don't do what we do to please men but to please God. Continue to grow strong in your relationship with Him and see yourself grow beyond levels you ever thought you would.
As for some judge people who are the holiest and only sanctified people without faults, understand that your actions can either keep people in faith or take them out of faith. Not every believer is like Kehinde that will stick through the preying eyes and tongues of people who should show her love. I've seen many young and older people leave serving and sometimes leave the church because of how we handle them and judge them.
I pray God helps us all to understand that God is love and we should all love, correct in love, talk in love and chastise in love. At the end of the day, love, I believe is the only way we can change the world around us.
My Thoughts.
Ala O. Wilcox
#AlaWilcox #alawilcoxblog #uncledeacon #judgepeople #churchpeople #churched #dechurched #unchurch
