On this day, I was to receive my most precious gift from my union with my husband, but it was cut short.
I was so excited that it was my antenatal day and I couldn't wait to hear my baby make noise through their machine.
It was weird to have spent over 20 minutes with the doctor, yet no heartbeat. I was just praying inside me that the worst should not be the case. After going for a scan and coming back to the doctor, what I heard next was "Ala, are you alone? Who came with you? Please take off your nosemask and take a deep breath." In my mind, I was like, Aunty say what you want to say na. It was so hard to hear those words, "your baby is no longer breathing. We couldn't get a heartbeat."😔
Chills ran through my veins, spirit and body.😢 "Please go to another hospital for confirmation then come back for an evacuation."
I called my husband to give him the worst news. This was someone who just went back to work three days before. We even went shopping for the baby on his last visit. I had to encourage him to be strong because he was at work.
As I was heading to my mum's from the hospital to get someone, accompany me to the hospital; I played the song that came to me that morning as I woke up "Victory by Elevation Church." I had unnecessary setbacks with Bolt that was really annoying. I just put that song on repeat till I got to my mums'.
How could I have had a smooth ride till over 6 months then boom, baby is gone?❓❓ I was wondering what didn't I do, what did I do, how did this go wrong. I even asked why He would allow such happen when I laid my hands and prayed for my baby daily.
As I approached my mum's house, she told us to pray before we go to another hospital, and in the bid of praying, together with my sister, I lamented uncontrollably in tears. "Why?" My mum started hushing me, and of course I pounced on her in anger. "How can I stop?" 😡That was what I asked her. After our prayers for a miracle, we went to another hospital, and the sonographer saw the one that made us believe I might need a surgery.
How can? At that point, I got so vexed in my spirit. I said I would not undergo a surgery and not carry my baby. Never!
In my head, I thought there was a drug that would be given to me to just flush out the baby, but it was surprising to me that I had to be induced. I'm a novice at these things. It was some tough two days for me.
Finally, our baby was born still. Our baby was super cute. Had all the hair I was praying for. Beautiful nails and legs. How do I know these things you may ask? I opted to see the baby.
Like I pushed a baby o.😊 Within those two days I was in that pain, the word of God through music was one of the things that saw me through, and the stories of others I knew who lost their babies this way or at birth but now have so much joy with their children now. It seems like the worst never happened because of the joy of their children at hand.
Sitting on the bed after the doctor, nurses, my mum and mum-in-law had congratulated me; the only thing that I could hear in my spirit was to start up some sort of support community for wives. Since that day, I've had many wives tell me their stories, without me asking, of their miscarriages and still birth. I've had wives talk about what they do and changes they've had to make. It's like I started attracting wives that had different experiences. All of a sudden, I was a person women wanted to share things with.
Recovering is another story. Sitting on hot water, being pressed with hot water, breastfeeding, in my case, wearing tight bras inorder not to lactate, was a biggy. Like, what! Women go through plenty things jare.
Women give up their names, time, work, business, location and so much more to harness a home and be an incubator for a new human.
Women go through so much and still act like nothing really changed.
We have to say these things out. We have to encourage each other and share our challenges. There's nothing new under the sun. We can learn from each other. Instead of being in competition with one another.
Imagine that what you've gone through can give hope to another woman. You just impacted, inspired and saved another woman the pain of depression.
This is a call out to newly wed women and the most experienced women still in marriage. Let's connect, share, learn, and share hope to ourselves.
Join our new community of women 'Wives Community' and let's make womanhood an easier task.
We need each other to help upcoming others.
©Ala Pepple.
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