SCARS

 A scar is a mark remaining after the injured tissue has healed.

Growing up, I had lots of bittersweet experiences, but I smiled through them. This is one of the reasons my very close friends call me strong. Something terrible can happen to me and I show up like it was something very trivial.

I have experienced abandonment, molestation, rape, robbery, one-chance, betrayal, near kidnap for me, while my friend was kidnapped at gunpoint before my eyes and more. These experiences have helped me see life from a more vigilant, constructive, and analytic perspective.

A scar indicates that you have been healed, yet reminds you of what you have gone through. My cesarean scar reminds me of the sacrifice I had to make to birth my Angel. My appendicitis scar reminds me of the excruciating pain I had to go through physically, mentally, and emotionally as it was assumed that I was pregnant, and my mum was told to take me for a test because they saw me talking with a boy on the street (one of the reasons I hate hearsays and I give people benefit of the doubt except proven otherwise.)

Scars can be for a good cause, and even if it wasn’t for good when it happened, it taught you something. It gave you an experience that can help you make better decisions in life and help you navigate a path where you avoid making mistakes you made before that resulted in getting wounded.

I remember a friend saying “Was he not the one that raped you?” during an argument because she wanted to make a point. It hurt so much at that time, not because I was ashamed she said it where strangers were but because it was something I shared in confidence, and thinking she could win an argument or prove a point by rubbing that in,  was a level of betrayal I couldn’t comprehend, however, I got over it almost immediately. One of my slogans is, “You cannot shame the shameless.” Life goes on. I only realized my true place and level of value in that friend’s life. (Realize I still term the person a friend?)

Recently, I was genuinely concerned about a friend’s safety, especially as her mum always called to ask me about her whereabouts. It happened to be that I had to always put a call through to have an idea of where she was at in order to be able to account for her if her mum couldn’t reach her. On this particular day, the last I heard from her was when she said she was going to pick up an item, and I didn’t know where or what it was.

I tried reaching her about two hours after I spoke with her and it rang once and was switched off immediately after. I was okay until it was almost 8 p.m. which was five hours later. I got worried that I was forced to call a mutual friend who said she had not heard from her all day. I literally started panicking. I could hear the sound of my heartbeat in my chest. This is very unusual for me but I’m guessing it’s because of how much of police officers I’ve seen recently mounting on the road that are relentless and don’t care if it’s a woman or a man driving, and after the EndSARS protest that revealed a lot of misdeeds from some officers, I am not too trusting of their incessant mounts on the road.

Well, can you guess what she told me on the phone because I called two people to find out if they heard from her? She said to me “I was always thinking evil.” This threw me off-balance and I became dumbfounded. I even cried. (Whew!)

My experiences have made me be more vigilant and careful. I wear my scars with pride but I don’t think evil. This made me understand that you can genuinely love people and do things because you care but they could interpret it otherwise. Don’t beat yourself over them. Love them from a distance, care for them as Christ has instructed us to, but respect your boundaries in their lives. You might have assumed more boundaries than you are given, and that’s okay. Just learn and move on.

Personally, I am Minister for Mind Your Business affairs, until you give me room to come closer. I respect boundaries too, and I have made her know that I understand perfectly, the boundaries I shouldn’t cross. Let me face myself and my family.

Well, it brought to the forefront of my mind that our experiences could come with scars, nevertheless, they help us do better if we choose to.

I rest my case.

 

ALA PEPPLE©

Have you had any similar experience? What did you learn? Kindly share with me.

#blogpost #blog #scars #lessons #life #post #blogger #alapepple

TODAY (ePISODE 4)

Today was quite interesting. It started off with my Bible plan for today which had an action section that requested that in this season of Christmas, I help a random person who wouldn't expect me to. 

I love thinking out of the norm, so I was thinking of what I could do asides from giving to the less privileged or widow. It was not until later hours of the afternoon when a driver who didn't hear clearly my destination, stopped me halfway through my journey and wanted me to pay double for something that would have cost me the same amount as what he took. 

Truth is, the day had been looking for ways to get me upset but I bluntly refused. This was just one of the tricks of getting on my nerves as the sun was excruciatingly hot. 

I finally got off the taxi without many words and as I considered the sun, taking another vehicle and walking, I decided to walk, but just before I crossed over to continue my journey, I saw four women wearing a beautiful uniforms. The material was so unique that I couldn't ascertain if it was meeting people or occasion attendees. However, I noticed it looked like they were in a little argument and one person was taking the heat, but there was something striking about her, and that was her blouse. Whoever made it, sabi the work. In the midst of the tense atmosphere, I told her your blouse is beautiful and to the other ladies, I mentioned with a smile that they looked good. The atmosphere was the total opposite of what it was before I have those compliments.

As they smiled and said thank you, I realized that I just gave peace, love, joy, and contentment to people I didn't know.

Giving is far beyond the physical and emotional, it transcends to the psychological which affects every other aspect. The self-esteem of these women has been ignited and that has killed a tough thought process I can't explain. 

I also gave a girl in the eatery a compliment about her slippers. Oh my! She was glowing. 

This taught me that, people go through a lot that money can't completely buy. If you put a smile on a person's face by just saying nice things to them, you improved a life. 

Wouldn't you rather live life improving other lives with just little things you don't need money to get? 

Improve a life today.

Old but essential post.😊

Ala Pepple

Pelumi my friend

Pelumi (not her real name) used to be my very close friend, however, after a few years, we realized we didn't really share the same values.

When we met at the wedding where we sat together in, it seemed like we were like minds. After we shared our contacts and became WhatsApp buddies, with time I inherently thought we shared the same values.

You know that thing where you post a thing and the person is telling you what you would ordinarily say? At times, it looked like she picked my brain in some matters. Her boyfriend on the other hand was totally different from who she depicted to be. He loved parties, he drank a lot, he knew how to give her the silent treatment when they had issues and he flirted a lot.

I don't use to put my mouth out in relationship matters. Even when they ask my opinion, I use wisdom and never sound direct (before they'll use me and settle matters.)😃

As we became closer friends and she shared stuff with me, I always asked her why she put up with everything, but she never really had the right words to express herself.

Her other friends I got to meet, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with sleeping with married men, cheating in their relationships, and lying. I was extremely uncomfortable with that because it didn't merge with who I have worked myself to be. I would usually be mute anytime I was caught up with them. I literally started using my tongue to count my teeth around Pelumi, despite the fact that she didn't really portray these characters.

I've had really crazy friends before. In fact, I still do, but over the years, I've seen them transform to be better people. I've seen some meet Jesus and their lives have changed for the best. Some have just matured into choosing what is right to what is wrong. This has made me always give room to people despite their shortcomings. Jesus also exemplified that for us while He was here on earth.

It's been about two years of friendship with Pelumi and boom, I realized she wasn't who she has been claiming to be.

Pelumi lied so easily. When I noticed her words didn't always add up, I started doubting everything she told me about her now ex-boyfriend. While Pelumi came visiting, we took a stroll and one of her lovers saw us. He made the mistake of saying some nasty things (that seemed sexy to him) and he was literally hitting on me too. She told him I wouldn't be interested, but he was adamant, thinking I was like her other friends. Embarrassed and speechless was what I was when he made reference to a night they had a threesome and I remember that she was still dating her ex then.

Immediately we left his presence, I started asking questions as a good friend should, but she became defensive when her words didn't add up and I cross-questioned her with facts. At that point, I knew it was time to give a long rope. But I decided to give a few chances for her to be honest with me. 

In no time, I realized my friend took any chance to party. She was a social butterfly and wouldn't say no to any occasion. I also realized that she was an impulsive spender as she spent to show off. When she hung out with the girls, she sorted the bills and would go broke trying to look like a big girl.

No wonder she always complained of not having cash even when she had a job that paid well. I started understanding why some days she would be incommunicado and would always have stories of how she needed to take some days to cool off whereas, in reality, she never takes time to spend with her thoughts.

I have social butterflies as friends but I know they say no sometimes and they shut out and recuperate in some cases.

I've tried to talk to Pelumi to try to do a review of her life by having an honest conversation with herself because I sincerely see a better person.

Pelumi is set in her ways and I'm now fully minding my business as na woman like me she be.

Why did I say Pelumi's story?

She once said, "I always go out because that's how I relax."

My question is, is it possible to not have time for yourself privately and still be relaxed? Do people really function well without being retrospective once in a while? How does always being out and social without alone time help people relax?

Pelumi and I talk once in a while, but I no longer see her as my friend. Friends don't lie about who they are. They tell you the truth and allow you to accept them for who they are. Pretending to share values you don't believe in is deceitful.

Another thing is, your company really matters. It is a reflection of who you are. This is not totally true, but imagine how her friend thought I was one of the threesome types just because I was hanging out with her.

When I was younger, it didn't mean much to me how you are, but now, it's of extreme importance.

This is the end of my story.

Kindly list the lessons you derived from this story.

Ala Onyeka Pepple

#blog #pelumi #friends #blogger #story #questions #life #decisions #lessons

HEARTTALK

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord.

Proverbs 16:2 NIV

A person may believe he is doing right. But the Lord will judge his reasons.

Proverbs 16:2 ICB

These scripture stuck with me during Word Alive Service today. While listening to one of our special songs we had to minister today, there was a line that I kept asking myself if I really meant it from the deepest part of my heart. That line was, "For Your glory, I will do anything." Really?🤔In-short, I saw those days were I deliberately disobeyed God's instruction because I wanted to be a coconut head.😟 Yes o! I'm a work in progress. T for Thanks. However, it doesn't change the fact that I disobeyed. The question is why? 

Looking at the world today, it is inherently almost impossible to not fall short. Starting from our eyes, what we see, watch and listen to. We claim it's trending. The things we listen to. Trends right?!

How about how we treat God so conveniently like He is our puppet. We literally want God to do what we want Him to do, but most of the time we don't want to do what He has asked for us how He has asked it of us. We live our lives as we please and term it "grace." Yes, grace is available for us daily, but does that mean we should misuse it? Let's not delve into fornication, it seems like a norm to the godly folks. Talking about it seems like you are judging.

Anyways, the truth is, I had a heart talk with myself starting from when I had the intention to sing the song "For Your glory". When I don't mean what I say but I'm saying it, I'm lying. I just realized singing it is the same as saying it. Weird that it's just striking in my head as that now. Sitting to listen to the word and seeing this scripture (Prov 16:2ICB, NIV) too also made me understand that God is trying to do a heartwork on me. Toomany things I might think are okay but aren't.

I learnt something as a child in Sunday School, WWJD (What Will Jesus Do?) It's so important as christians to understand that we are representatives of Christ and having a heart check as to our intentions on everything is so important.

Are you doing what you are doing because it's trending, or because it makes you feel important/among or it increases your values positively or it's godly or it's right, etc?

Why do you do what you do?

Thank God I'm finally getting back to listening. You should too.

Allow God to do a heartwork on you.

It's still your girl, Ala Pepple.

Your Interior Designer and every other thing I'm good at.✌

#hearttalk #wwjd #christian #godly #unpopular #motive

My BIG TUMMY Story

 

I chuckled so hard as I saw the size of my tummy in the mirror. No wonder my mum had not let me hear word since she got back from the Christmas holiday. She'll always announce to me when she visits "Onyi, you have really added weight o! From your tummy to your thighs." I'll always laugh and tell her, "mummy, is tummy that big o, I did not kii person. By the way, it's as a result of eating every sweet thing that crossed me, drinking soda (even if I watched this more), and eating by past 1 am."

I was literally laughing at myself as all this played out in my head.

I remember how worried I was when I left the hospital and it felt like a ball dropped down in my tummy. I was so scared and perturbed that I disturbed my husband to go to the hospital before the time I was required to come. When my vitals were checked, I was told my BP was really high. This has never happened to me before. I sha told the nurse that it was because I was worried, she shouldn't worry as it will go down in no time. There are some things I spoke to God about regarding my life and health, and I know He wouldn't let me have them.

As it got to my turn to see the doctor, he looked at me and asked if it was me he was seeing that had that high bp reading. I laughed at it. Truth is, while waiting, I had spoken with some mothers who told me they doubted it was something I needed to worry about as it would normalize. The doctor insisted to check my bp first just to be sure that I was okay. Well, my bp was very normal when he checked. We literally laughed about it.

I laid down and he checked me and assured me I was okay and told me that the womb was going to go back to its normal position with time.

Nna eh, I wasn't told CS was like this o! When I was induced to birth my baby that stopped breathing after over six months, I suffered seating in hot water and enduring the hot press, but my tummy was back and better in no time. 

I'm not used to having a big tummy so this became a thing for me. I wasn't comfortable with myself. I wore big clothes that made me look really fat, I literally covered up anytime my husband was around and I got angry that he wasn't looking at me plenty plenty when I made the sacrifice for the two of us.😂I wanted him to make me feel validated.

Well, I got tired at some point and started talking to myself to snap out of it.

Ahnahn now! There are ladies that haven't gone through the stress of childbirth and my tummy is better than theirs so why do I have to break my head? (It's no comparison, it's giving me morale.)

I consciously started snapping out of it and feeling good in my new look.

This doesn't mean I am not going to work on myself, but, I need time to BREATHE. It's almost like I was pregnant for sixteen months, then I want to snap out of the stretch and stress in six months. Impossicant!

Meanwhile, this tummy thing is on and off o. Some days, it will reduce, other days, it will surmount.😂

Why am I writing this sef?

Hello new momma, you've just brought a human into this world. Some of our genes will not permit us to just snap back to shape like some would, so, give yourself a break. This doesn't mean you should be unkept and just be anyhow, but, take your time with yourself. In time, you will have the strength and courage to take on exercise and dieting. In time, you would either take a new shape that you should love or go back to the old shape you use to love.

Give yourself time.

Heal. Live. Nurture yourself and your baby. Don't expect so much validation from your spouse, validate yourself by yourself. Your spouses' validation should just be a topping on the cake. Take care of your mental health. Anywhere you know they'll stress you, stay away.

You need to be mentally good to take on your new role.

Society expects us to still be everything we were before we embarked on this mummy journey but who says you must do whatever society thinks of you? 

Go easy on yourself mama.😘

Daddy wa, soon to be daddy, your wife needs all the support you never thought she needs. This is the time she expects you to look in her eyes and tell her 'she is beautiful.' Tell her how courageous she is for embarking on this journey for both of you. Tell her to take her time and that you would be there to show mental support when she is ready to start keeping fit. Trust me, your words will mean more than any other human's words at this time. She will feel loved and would have the courage to be ready earlier. Do things for her like charging her phone, giving her warm water to drink in the morning and maybe at night, help change the baby's diaper at night. Encourage her to extract milk so that she could take some rest at night while you take over the duty. Truth is, the majority of women love acts of service in this vulnerable time.

You can tell me thank you when she starts loving and adoring you more when you do these things.😉

As for me chuckling now, shebi I cannot come and kee myself? ọnụ ụtọ (sweet mouth) did not allow me to be great stomach-wise this festive period.😂 Accept me as I have accepted myself.😁 (Google helped me with the igbo of course.)😜

My story haf finish.

Byebye!😄

Ala Onyeka Pepple.

Your Space Therapist and every other thing I'm good at.😜

#blog #blogger #mybigtummy #story #life #motherhood #childbirth #wife #emotions #lessons #courage #heal #mentalhealth #validate #breathe