When we met at the wedding where we sat together in, it seemed like we were like minds. After we shared our contacts and became WhatsApp buddies, with time I inherently thought we shared the same values.
You know that thing where you post a thing and the person is telling you what you would ordinarily say? At times, it looked like she picked my brain in some matters. Her boyfriend on the other hand was totally different from who she depicted to be. He loved parties, he drank a lot, he knew how to give her the silent treatment when they had issues and he flirted a lot.
I don't use to put my mouth out in relationship matters. Even when they ask my opinion, I use wisdom and never sound direct (before they'll use me and settle matters.)😃
As we became closer friends and she shared stuff with me, I always asked her why she put up with everything, but she never really had the right words to express herself.
Her other friends I got to meet, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with sleeping with married men, cheating in their relationships, and lying. I was extremely uncomfortable with that because it didn't merge with who I have worked myself to be. I would usually be mute anytime I was caught up with them. I literally started using my tongue to count my teeth around Pelumi, despite the fact that she didn't really portray these characters.
I've had really crazy friends before. In fact, I still do, but over the years, I've seen them transform to be better people. I've seen some meet Jesus and their lives have changed for the best. Some have just matured into choosing what is right to what is wrong. This has made me always give room to people despite their shortcomings. Jesus also exemplified that for us while He was here on earth.
It's been about two years of friendship with Pelumi and boom, I realized she wasn't who she has been claiming to be.
Pelumi lied so easily. When I noticed her words didn't always add up, I started doubting everything she told me about her now ex-boyfriend. While Pelumi came visiting, we took a stroll and one of her lovers saw us. He made the mistake of saying some nasty things (that seemed sexy to him) and he was literally hitting on me too. She told him I wouldn't be interested, but he was adamant, thinking I was like her other friends. Embarrassed and speechless was what I was when he made reference to a night they had a threesome and I remember that she was still dating her ex then.
Immediately we left his presence, I started asking questions as a good friend should, but she became defensive when her words didn't add up and I cross-questioned her with facts. At that point, I knew it was time to give a long rope. But I decided to give a few chances for her to be honest with me.
In no time, I realized my friend took any chance to party. She was a social butterfly and wouldn't say no to any occasion. I also realized that she was an impulsive spender as she spent to show off. When she hung out with the girls, she sorted the bills and would go broke trying to look like a big girl.
No wonder she always complained of not having cash even when she had a job that paid well. I started understanding why some days she would be incommunicado and would always have stories of how she needed to take some days to cool off whereas, in reality, she never takes time to spend with her thoughts.
I have social butterflies as friends but I know they say no sometimes and they shut out and recuperate in some cases.
I've tried to talk to Pelumi to try to do a review of her life by having an honest conversation with herself because I sincerely see a better person.
Pelumi is set in her ways and I'm now fully minding my business as na woman like me she be.
Why did I say Pelumi's story?
She once said, "I always go out because that's how I relax."
My question is, is it possible to not have time for yourself privately and still be relaxed? Do people really function well without being retrospective once in a while? How does always being out and social without alone time help people relax?
Pelumi and I talk once in a while, but I no longer see her as my friend. Friends don't lie about who they are. They tell you the truth and allow you to accept them for who they are. Pretending to share values you don't believe in is deceitful.
Another thing is, your company really matters. It is a reflection of who you are. This is not totally true, but imagine how her friend thought I was one of the threesome types just because I was hanging out with her.
When I was younger, it didn't mean much to me how you are, but now, it's of extreme importance.
This is the end of my story.
Kindly list the lessons you derived from this story.
Ala Onyeka Pepple
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