CEMENTED (TODAY Series, Episode 1)

Today was a good day. It came with a confirmation that my efforts to make the society a better place is not a waste. 

Today, I learnt some lessons from people which I shared via different platforms. 
It's amazing how most times we teach and give but never learn and take. By the way, hearing a thing over and over again and getting to come to the realization that you had stopped practising what you learnt is not a crime nor a sin. Don't beat yourself over what you've known but have not fully put into practice. Truth is, the more you hear, the more plastered it becomes. The hearing is like mixing cement, sand and water, at that point it's not strong but using this analogy, it would get tough after a while. The more you hear, the more the mixture gets plastered on to a surface that needs it and it gets tough enough to stand all kinds of weather. 

I was so pleased when a friend said she learnt to give change, no matter how small it was. She only kept it when she was asked to.  How did that change thing come up sef? That's gist for another day. I was just happy she included that even her mother's five naira balance is now being returned. She'll rather charge you for what she'll do than take your balance. As much as there are dicey parts to this thought, it shows integrity when you do this little act, especially if you're sent on an errand. 

The second lesson was learning to say no. I am looking for opportunities for my business to grow by getting more jobs doesn't mean I should accept every job that comes my way, especially from people I know. 
You know, it's very difficult to say no when you need people to see you're not idle, but the question is, is every job worth it? 

One of my vendors gave me advice on this too. He said I put so much effort but charge so little so he was giving me a breakdown of how they do it and not lose out completely.
After that, a friend said she learnt to say no from me. 
I just laughed and told her, I just shot myself on the leg because I actually didn't say no and I'm bearing the consequences for not saying no. 
It just taught me that it is amazing how we could know a thing and not do it. No wonder the Bible talked about our keep hearing, because only then will it be cemented in our hearts. 

I hope you learn too. 


My Thoughts.

©Ala O Wilcox

LEAVE THAT ANT

Laying on my bed and gazing at the wall, I was thinking about how my day was going to go and how plans for the day had changed drastically eventually making me feel slightly clueless for about an hour. 

My thoughts were boggling between a delivery I was to make to a client, a new artisan who had tried so hard to piss me off, my upcoming Vlog that I hadn't spoken or worked on for about two weeks, my blog and the fact I had not even thought of writing for over a week, getting lyrics and sequence of many songs into my head and still find a way to rest in the process of doing all. While I was still in the thinking process, I saw a little creäture climbing upwards the wall, going back and forth like it was searching for something.

The first thought that crossed my mind as its movement distorted my thoughts was to kill it, but as I diverted into thinking of what the Ant might be searching for, I remembered what the Bible said about ants. It was a very short recess from my original thought to the supposed need of the Ant. King Solomon used the Ant as an example for humans as regards how hardworking they are and how smart they think and work towards a more comfortable future.
The dry season is the time they gather food and of course this is that season.
While I lay down working with my mind and disturbing my head over what would have been, the Ant is searching for its meal for the future rainy season (action).

Believe me, I juggled up my thoughts from what would be done to what I should do with the time I have now, especially towards my blog, Vlog and ways to limiting any artisan's wahala in the nearest future. 

This write-up is one of the benefits of learning from the ant. 

Anyways, I still killed the ant sha cause its movement was distorting my thoughts, but I beg you to please 'Leave That Ant'. There are too many lessons to learn from it while it's still living. 

I rest my case. 

My Thoughts. 

©Ala O. Wilcox. 

#alawilcoxblog #alawilcox #writer #blogger #blog #google #mythoughts #ant #learn #leavethatant

STOP!

STOP! To start
STOP! To listen
STOP! To learn
STOP! To grow
STOP! STOP!! STOP!!!.

So many people have asked me, "Ala why did you stop being outspoken? Why did you stop being opinionated? Why did you stop speaking about everything you were known to speak about? Why did you get inactive in this area of your life that used to be hyperactive? "

Usually, I say nothing but deep down I knew the answer. I knew it was time for me to wind down, I knew it was time to STOP.

It was time for me to STOP talking, leading, speaking. It was time for me to STOP doing a lot of things without tangible results.

I had to STOP to start listening to myself. I had to STOP to start listening to God and my reasoning. I had to STOP to start listening to the world and its trends (you never know how to tackle a system if you do not know how the system operates).
I had to STOP to start listening to my elders, criticisms, my critics and the walls around me.

I had to LISTEN to learn.  I had to LISTEN to learn how to act and react in different situations. I had to LISTEN to learn to say the right things at the right time and know the right words so I can say the right things.
I had to LISTEN to learn to know when to encourage. I had to LISTEN to learn to know when to listen. I had to LISTEN to learn when to involve people or stories of others to encourage another.

I had to LISTEN to learn to GROW.
I had to LISTEN to learn to GROW in the area of my finances. To learn to GROW in the area of my spirituality. I had to learn to GROW in the area of loving my friends, making friends. I had to GROW in the area of socializing. GROW in the area of influence. GROW with respect to being the best God has called me to be. GROW in the area of fulfilling purpose. To GROW in everything that had to do with growing.

I am glad I STOPPED and I'm ready to GROW up again and again
I've learnt, and I'm still learning. I've listened, and I'm still listening. I have grown and I'm still growing.

Life is in stages. I have gotten to the stage where I think I can still STOP, LISTEN, LEARN, GROW through the process of listening, learning and growing.
I have grown to STOP, to listen. I have grown,  to STOP to learn. I have grown to STOP to grow and keep on growing.

STOP when you need to
STOP to START.

My Thoughts.

©Ala O. Wilcox

#stop #alawilcoxblog #blog #listen #learn #grow #start 

TRIPLE L

The first day I set my eyes on her, I was astonished at her eloquence and bewildered by the authenticity of her expression. Her words felt like it came deep down from the inside, devoid of pretence and not just the normal recitation of the words written and memorized to say out to those willing to hear.

It was my utmost pleasure when she joined my group as the facilitator of my group for the break out session we had. Wow! Those were my words.

As time went on, she became a friend and a sister.

By the way, I always thought she had it all together is that she was always well composed, smiling and ready to counsel and advice anyone at any time she was called upon to. Even if she wasn’t called, she’ll still try to help.

As our journey went on as friends, I got to find out the worst; some people would think.

On that fateful day, with her beautiful peach coloured nails, I admired so much, the smoothness of her hands and fingers, the green dress I was looking forward to going and seize and the Ghana braids she had on that made her look flawless, she mentioned: “I am thirty-three years”.

In my mind, I was like, “what! What kind of early evening joke is this at this time of the year?” I said to her that she was joking because sincerely, I felt she was just pulling my legs. The grin that came on her face was a crucial answer to my impending question. Dumbfounded I was, I must say.

Learning of her past, I found out she wasn’t always this bold, courageous and daunting. She actually was the total horrible opposite of who I met a few months back.

She was timid, called a liability by everyone she came across, a people pleaser (we all know we can’t please everyone), was ridiculed by mothers as they told their daughters to stay far off from her.

That’s not all. When she started getting a grip of herself and found a boy that loved her for who she was and saw the best in her, he died and that became a depressing moment for her but gave her a cause to have a direction in life.

The ill that you come across in life can be used as a bridge to discovering who you really are, what you should be doing and where you should be or want to be.

The barrister who found herself outside the law has been through an ordeal in her short over thirty years here on earth and is ready to share with those approaching thirty and above thirty how to stay woke in this hyper expectant society. The ugly, the bad, and the good have all been tested.

Ibelema Greene of The Greene Company and Adult Toddler is who you should listen to if you have so much on the inside but can’t find a way to express them all, adding to the fact that so much is expected of you from almost everyone you come across and you are approaching or above thirty years.

Living Life Limitless; THE BIG 30’s, happening on the 3^rd of November, 2018 you have to attend.

Details of the event are on the picture attached.

©Ala O. Wilcox.

BoXeD iN a FrIdGe

Together, they wanted freedom. Freedom from the emancipation they found themselves in. 

In the midst of their search for a hall they could use to gather together, they understood some mysteries. They veered into secrets they never knew existed. 

The government had locked down the stadium, the conference hall, the museum and the streets were covered with flex banners carrying so many faces. Faces that looked promising but how can they trust someone else when all they've trusted have literally stabbed their backs. They had always come to them like a knight in a shining armour, they made promises of how they would make their world better; not just a mere promise; they gave strategic plans on how they would achieve all they've said. Since they had strategic plans, it was better to trust them cause everyone needed change. Change from the old. They needed transformation from what they thought was miry. 

But

They got the change. In a way, they never understood or pre-planned. How could things turn this fast for the negative? They asked themselves. 

As confused as they are, they knew they couldn't really trust anyone but they most trust one. Now, the opportunity they have to come together to sift which, in all this locked up places are extremely slim.
How then would they choose when they've been boxed in a fridge? 

HOPE YOU'VE GOT YOUR PVC? 

©ALA O. WILCOX 

My Thoughts

RUPTURE OF MY INNER CORE (mY eNGAGeMENT StorY)

He said Onyi, I don’t just want to date you, I want to marry you. Bewildered me was wondering how the conversation had gone from how you are and how was your day to I want to marry you.

I used to spell out NO in capital letters as a teenager to anyone who asked to be in a relationship with me because I never wanted to have a boyfriend till I was at least above eighteen (18) years. That was so contrary to what most of my peers did or believed in. In fact, there was a boy I really liked in secondary school. I had told you about him in one of my previous blog posts "UNEXPECTED KISS" but because I said to myself eighteen and above, I couldn’t get myself to say yes to his request and I was greatly pained. But, I just had to keep to my words and remain disciplined. My question to myself however is, what changed?

When I was a kid, I dreamed such big dreams. Often I visualized myself as an influence, a renowned lawyer or an ambassador or a famous mass communicator and actress that could speak at least four languages. I really believed I could do, have and be whatever I wanted. I also remember how I used to feel like a young girl growing up in the environs of COLOMBIA in town (one of the most notorious and criminal environments in Port Harcourt).

I felt I couldn’t be conditioned by the illness in my environment or the stigma that came with me being brought up by a single parent or the stigma that came with me being known with different tribe names, igbani and ibo, always determined by my location at a point in time.

The fun came in form of simple pleasure like reading vastly and thinking beyond the environment I found myself in. Fun was listening to music, singing out loud as though there was nothing to limit or put a hush to the tune that came from the inside. Fun was writing simple books, stories and scripts for the betterment of my generation then.

I had an enormous curiosity for life as I dreamt beyond my family, my environment and my present circumstance. Limitation, could not hold back what the future had in store/stall for me.

I honestly don’t think I have felt that kind of freedom and joy in dreaming since adulthood began to creep in. why? What happened?

I think the answer is likely that adulthood came with so many expectations of how I should act or perhaps, I allowed the happenings around me become my reality and in turn, it shaped my thoughts toward how I approached life in general.

Few days and then a few weeks after my birthday, I have felt so empty and unfulfilled. Looking back, I’ve wondered to me what have I achieved so far? Yes, I like the money I tell you but not as you think though. I like the money I decently earned working. So, I don’t take business as a joke. BUT making money is not everything as much as it is very important.

I realized I miss being a child. Being free to dream, pursue the dream without even thinking, get a bang which can either be success or failure, nevertheless not be marred by the negative outturn rather, be strengthened to give it another try if that is the case.

I miss the innocence of the mind toward dreaming.

I ask myself if I could overcome pressure as a little girl and a teenager from my unscrupulous environment and mischievous peers why can’t I do that now?

If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand about life, it is that it doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. You just don’t know how much power you have to conquer life’s hurdles and solve the puzzles that come with your building capacity and mental growth.

I’m not in competition with anyone. I’m not trying to be like anyone. I’m open to dreaming again, going beyond that to actualizing. Some may seem crazy but do I care? Not anymore. I am only interested in how my life affects others positively. Not because everyone is doing it or for the social status that comes with it but for FULFILLMENT.

IT HAPPENED THAT TODAY, MY INNER CORE GOT RUPTURED.  I GOT ENGAGED WITH THE INNER ME, NOT THE MAN THAT YOU THINK.

My Thoughts.

©Ala O. Wilcox

Fresh Bread and Her Workers

I cried, not because I was flogged, neither was it because a guy broke my heart nor was it for reasons of me going through pain but for the consciousness of how stupid some Nigerians could be and how much some businesses don't have value for a certain perceived level of customers.

I was too tired to step out of the house that afternoon after a hectic week and an all night but I had a friend visit and I was craving for freshly baked bread (my usual snack).

With a pair of jeans, a customized Ankara t-shirt, a pair of slippers and my natural plaited hair, I stepped out under the drizzling rain to my junction where there was a bakery.

I had to wait over thirty (30) minutes standing unattended to after paying for my bread because they were attending to two (2) agents who pay a sum to collect in bulk and complete their payments after distribution.

I got so tired I retired to seating on the chair I saw empty behind me while I waited for them to bring my loaf and four doughnuts. "Oya Oya get up from my chair" that's what I heard and I took my head up surprised at why a woman will talk to her fellow woman in such arrogant manner. My response was "Madam, even if you want me to get up, should that be the way you address me? You can use a better manner able approach" and at that point, they had brought my order, so I stood up and left her throne chair for her.

To my utmost surprise, she just continued shouting, saying she had the right over the chair because she was an agent and she could tell any staff there to get up for her to. A malet's agent joined her and it was now a collabo insult. They said things like "you be agent? How many bread you wan buy sef? One (1) bread and two (2) doughnut nain you de make mouth de speak English for here? People like this no suppose to de pass this una gate sef."

Omor! I was surprised and pained but not just at their foolishness but the bakery's management. Their staff watched as they attacked without uttering a word and their accountant who just went in refused to step out.

On a normal day, they ought to put those people in order even if they have bragging rights, but I can't blame them, it just showed their interest was in people who bought in large quantities.

As for the man and lady, they spoke like they were literally paying with their personal cash and they consumed the bread themselves, they forgot its people like me that buy the bread off their shelves and smaller business owners that buy off their hands before they can make complete payments for the stock they collected.

• This incident taught me not to look down on any client/customer because truly you ought to respect everyone and give value for every cent they spend.

• I also learnt to train my workers to politely bring to order any disrespect coming from a paying customer to an intended/minimal paying customer.

• Great people could come in small or simple packages. Don't look down on anyone.

• I personally had so talked about the bread that people who know me and how stringent I can be with what it takes to be a bread I'll come back to get have started patronizing this so-called agent's vendors from their different locations. Less interest for the bread automatically stops my marketing their product which invariably means that some vendors would not be selling the number of bread they would as fast as they used to, and demands for the bread drops by a certain percentage or old stock could make people lose interest. You see the chain?

• I had intentions of using that particular bread for outreaches. Imagine me getting a thousand (1000) loaves I am to share for free on the streets (somebody will steal this one now. Hahaha), the bakery's sales would have gone up by a thousand (1000) in one day, but they lost me with one action (by allowing other customers to downsize me without protecting my small cent interest.

• I also learnt not to blame those individuals who would have paid for both their orders and taken it to the streets to give for free just to teach them the lesson of not looking down on anyone.

• Also, a paying client should not arrogantly make you have a tainted image because they want to feel important.

• Their staff couldn't say a word because the management system of the bakery had given value to the buyers and neglected empathy on the part of their staff. Treat your workers with respect.

In all, I've learnt to treat customers better than they would even treat their selves.

Jedacox Imaginations Limited can give you that special feeling especially through your space. 

I rest my case.

My Thoughts.

Your customer service could be that self-worth healing your customer might need to no longer be suicidal.

©Ala O. Wilcox.

#alawilcoxblog #blogging #freshbread #bakery #staff #employee #customer #workers #mythoughts #interiordesigner #jedacoximaginations

My Yahoo+ Xperience

I found myself in some set of yahoo+ guys compound the other day all in the name of "I'm rendering interior design services". 
It all started in my bed on Thursday morning. The previous night I had an all-night rehearsal in church hence my sleeping at past 9am.
I received a call from a senior colleague who said a prospective client called him up for an interior design service and was unwilling to wait for him to get back from his travel to attend to the said clients need. He decided to call me to cover up for him as his colleague which I did and put a call through to the number he sent. 
The Client missed my call at first but I sent a text like anyone would since it was an unknown number saying I'd be there in two hours but he pleaded with me to come earlier. He mentioned the name of the junction passively but later told me to stop by a popular supermarket in Port Harcourt where he'll pick me up from.

Fast forward to when I was on my way, I sent a text to let him know I was close to the supermarket but realized the message didn't go through. On getting to the supermarket, I asked the Keke driver where the junction I heard him mention was as I remembered that was the junction he made mention of. They all said it wasn't far from where we were, I decided to go there and not wait. 
On getting to the said junction, I realized my message just got delivered. I tried calling but the person wasn't picking. I was a little impatient at this point because the sun was scorching but he finally took the call and sounded surprised when I said I was at his junction. He asked if I could wait for him to come to pick me but I told him not to bother so he gave me the address. I boarded another Keke but on getting to the number, it was a school and not a residential building, I had to call to confirm, only for him to ask where I was at and when he sighted me he said he made a mistake with the address of his house. Who does that? (eyes rolling)
Omor, as I saw this tall young dude with dreadlocks, sagging jeans and bloodshot eyes from afar, I felt uncomfortable. As soon as he dropped my call,  he made another call and hung up as I got close to him and then we exchanged pleasantries. 

When we stepped into the compound, I greeted an elderly woman with a little girl I saw  spreading clothes outside and started creating conversations about what exactly he wanted us to do for him so that his neighbors can hear that it's business that brought me there. 
When we got to the front of his flat, I had a very strong intuition not to move further than that point, so I stopped there and continued our conversation from there. 
The first question this guy asked me was "do we have an office? and How do we run our office?" He also asked if we had staffs or randomly got artisans to work for us. 
Me I sha was just wondering why someone would be asking me such irrelevant questions so I had to ask him if his interest was in the service or the structure of our firm. 

At this point, a guy comes out of the house wearing just boxers, says a word in his ear, shakes and hugs him. I greeted guy 2 and continued discussing with guy 1 to know what exactly he wanted us to do for him. He then touched me and continued with the conversation that wasn't straightforward in any sense. 
This guy suddenly started getting impatient with me after touching me a couple of times so I told him he would have answered my questions on the phone as that would have enabled me to know who or what I was to come with for the job. 
The part on the outside he said was bad, just had a crack and only needed a thorough cleaning.
He even talked about not getting exactly what he ordered and probed me to check it out in his room. 

My dear readers, me know say nothing go move me enter that house so I just kuku dey talk over en talk. 
I showed him a picture and he said that was what he wanted so I told him I had to come back with my people to take measurements. 
He said he wanted white paints all over the house, red flooring, he wanted a change of lighting and his bathroom tiles. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, his friend had come out three times with this impatient gesture. After then I noticed the guy used every opportunity he had while speaking to touch me. He started asking to know how many people I'd be coming back with and shenanigans.
I said three, he told me to start with two😅. The hemp I perceived from him, his friend and the house when the door was opened by his friend on several occasions was too strong and then a third friend came out and was just staring at me.

When he realized that all his requests to see what needed to be done didn't take me in, he then apologized for not inviting me in for a drink at least, that he thought I might be scared. I immediately thanked him with a charming smile and told him it wasn't an issue that there was still time for that when I got back with the people who needed to do the job. 
We ended the discussion with his budget for the job and just as I was about leaving, he asked for a hug.
I laughed and reminded him it was not a friendly visit so he opted for a handshake which I gave him and zoomed out. 
The three guys were just looking at me leave and they had anger/ frustration written all over their faces. 

As I got out of the gate, the people on the opposite side of the compound had shocking looks on their faces as though they were seeing Obama's wife for the first time. 
I immediately called the person who sent me and told him what had happened. 

Truth is, it was just God that intervened. He gave me the wisdom to pull through their many tricks, and refused their charms from working.
My question then was, if God wasn't with me what would have happened? 
Obviously, they had probably the 'front seat charm' in their car cause that's the only reason he was upset he didn't pick me up from our agreed location. Secondly, they had to be kidnappers to have asked me questions that had to do with the companies system of operation. 
They had to be ritualists to be using every opportunity they had to touch me and want to hug me. 

My thoughts were, if I entered that door, How many more people would I have seen? What would they have done to me? How would it have ended? This all would have happened to a hardworking young girl that is trying to make ends meet in a decent and legal way. Meaning it's not just the so-called runs girls that need to be careful, everyone ought to. 

Some people might say "you might have just been scared for nothing". My question to those kinds of readers is "why hasn't the guy called till now to find out why I didn't come back for something we had already agreed on a budget for?" 
If I didn't have God by me, what would have been my story? 

God surely proved Psalms 91 and Psalm 23, This assurance I have in Jesus also made me not have an iota of fear in me even when danger was glaring. 

Do you have Him in your life? If no, please invite Him in. 

I rest my case. 

My Story


©Ala O. Wilcox

#story #blog #experience #alawilcoxblog #portharcourt

Twentiseven into Twenti8

27 was a rough and tough year for me despite all the smiles, I cannot lie. I remember when I told a friend that the toughness I’ve experienced for that year, I had never experienced even as a student in school, nevertheless, I realized that my countenance towards not having money, not achieving what I planned to, not doing the things I want to for the people I want to and how I want to have changed tremendously. There is this peace I have when I come to that mountain that looks so high and not climbable and it helps me stay calm and keeps me in faith and hope but sincerely, there are days I get worried about time and seasons but I don’t dwell in it. After all, I’m not superhuman.

On the first day of 28, I went to a burial ceremony of a rare gem that passed on at 25. I didn’t have any personal relationship with her but I knew she meant a lot to my precious friend so I went against the odds (going for a burial on my birthday) and during the tributes and side comments of this said gem, I realized as much as she lived for quarter of a century, she lived a life full of love, faith, hope, generosity, peace, joy and so much more. There was no one that she'd come close to without feeling the good of her. I shared tears when the children choir of her church came to sing and some couldn’t hold their tears. Children Cry? That was deeper for me. This means she imparted on both the youngest generation and the oldest that came across her. I can only remember her smile the first day I met her and her sincere question of care as to how we were leaving since we had a long day with a volunteer medical outreach. I thank God that at least I have that smile too (smiles).

But all this got me asking myself, how much impact have I made here on earth? If I go today, what will people know me for?

We are extremely scared of death as humans but it is inevitable. Our concern shouldn’t be the fear of death but the consciousness of how well we are living to impact on everyone we come in contact with.

My conclusion after that burial ceremony that made my perception about some thoughts stronger is; I will live life to its fullest. I will be more intentional about my value for people. I must fulfill my purpose here on earth while I’m here. I’ll leave a good legacy behind.

So help me God.

Twenty-eight I am prepared for you to bring it on.

I rest my case.

My Thoughts

©Ala O. Wilcox

The Countdown

I woke up this morning with a very heavy heart. I asked myself questions like "what am I not doing right that has made me not achieve a certain level of what I mapped out for the year?" 
Truth is, I've tried to do everything I can to achieve what I have planned but not everything falls in the place I want them to. 
I'm almost beginning a new year in my life and it's only a necessity to see how far I've gone from my previous year. 

My results came thus; 
I didn't make all the money I envisaged, I didn't feed as many people as I wished to, I didn't give as much as I wanted to, I didn't buy the car I planned to, I didn't use the gadget I thought I would love to use, I didn't go for that vacation I've been dreaming about, I didn't run the business projects I've been praying to, I didn't go for the kind of shopping I would love to, I didn't give my family as I have always wanted to, etc 
BUT 
I am alive, I have hope for tomorrow. I didn't do all these things but who says I can't do them tomorrow. I have every part of my body functioning perfectly, I have a business that will succeed, I have a dream, I have a family, I have friends, I have food, best of all,  I HAVE GOD. 
This just lets me know that I have so much to be grateful for. 

Today might not be what we dream it will be, but tomorrow is another today that can be the today we envisioned.
DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP BELIEVING! KEEP WORKING! KEEP SPEAKING! IT WILL SURELY COME TO ACTUALIZATION. 

©Ala O. Wilcox 
My Thoughts 

#mythoughts
#alawilcox #alawilcoxquotes #blogger #writer #interiordesigner #hopeful #faith #portharcourtcity #believe #hearttalk

The Old Bra

Everyone has one or two things they are attached to. It could be a wristwatch, an earring, a jersey, a pair of jeans that just fits perfectly, etc. 
By the way, attached to doesn't necessarily mean addicted to. Can anyone really be addicted to this kind of items I mentioned? Thinking about it, I really doubt so. 

I was walking through a regular major road when I sighted in a lingerie shop a bra that was really simple but colorful and I thought will suit me perfectly. I didn't believe myself when  I walked in and purchased it despite the very high price because I'm naturally not an impulsive spender or buyer. 
Fast forward to about a year after, I noticed the spikes were out and it injured me. I tried fixing it because I loved it but after so many failed attempts, I left it. 
A few months later, I got attracted to it as I just loved the colors in my bag and chose not to discard it. I eventually put it on and when I got home, I noticed I had hurt myself greatly, obviously by myself for not listening to myself. I discarded it that night but as I did, I found out I learned something new. 

*****
(1) We meet people, we get acquainted with them, but when we realize these people are harmful to us, we just keep them around, perhaps feeling guilty that it wouldn't be fair to let go or we create a few excuses for them. We know these people should be gone far off from but we choose to stick to them and end up getting hurt. 
Truth is, if you don't discard them, you will remain where you are, feeling joy within a moment and experiencing pain the most part of your life.

(2) There are habits we know deep down are not helping us. It could be laziness or procrastination, but we just continue lazying through it, thinking its okay, "that's how I'm wired" we would lie to ourselves. Truth is, we know how many opportunities we've lost as a result of it but we just stick with it without trying to get rid of it. 
The shocking reality is, it could destroy you if you don't let it go. 

Toxic people and toxic relationships should be discarded like the old bra. It/they might seem beautiful, comforting and attractive but they could destroy you before you even retire from life. 
Say no to toxic people and habits and live a life without pain or fake joy. 

I rest my case. 

My Thoughts. 

What are the best ways to let go of toxic people without creating tension? 

What would be your advice to a person who wants to come off laziness but can't seem to? 

Does attachment really mean addiction?

Please drop your comments.

©Ala O. Wilcox.

MY LIFE IS A STORY 2 (THE RELATIONSHIP THAT TURNED BIZARRE)

He was an old friend that I started nursing feelings for somehow. No! My friends wouldn’t even believe me if I said I nursed feelings for him but it was necessary for them to doubt because I termed it a start and quench feeling. He was that kind of friend that when he got close, we would look all mushy but when he was gone; I might not even remember we were really close. I’m sure some of you have cast a stone at me with questions like “why didn’t you call when he was away?” my dear, I’m not perfect and I have my own struggles too but, that is story for another day. 

Where was I? Okay! After some years of not reaching out to each other, he finally reached to me and this time we went beyond being friends after a few months to being in a relationship but with the/a clause “any day the feelings seemed to be diverted to another person, we would let ourselves in on it” cause kpatakpata, at least “no be marriage yet”, plus the fact that we have liked ourselves for a while but took time to really realize that and the off and on syndrome we operated in before now. Truth is, in reality, there was a need for that clause.

Fast forward to a few months into the relationship, when we were “in love”. Hahaha! Love oh!

When this intoxicated love started clearing off, I was told that “I advice too much”. The shock that gripped me that day in the eatery was unimaginable but as the babe that I am, I just maintained and took all the answers to my questions for reasons why we were drifting apart.

I was offended for such a flimsy reason but I had to also ask myself questions, have retrospect of conversations I’ve had with him and called a few friends to do a survey on me and conversations and I came to a conclusion that I had to work on not always providing solutions when I’ve not been asked to which means I don’t give advice especially in a relationship when I am not asked of my opinion. Now, this has a deeper meaning attached but I’ll let your minds dissect what it means.

We are no longer in a relationship but we remain just friends.

*****

•    Many times, we want to point accusing fingers to someone else but seize to look at ourselves first and see what we get wrong we could correct.

•    One’s complaint of you might be inconsequential to you but if you look deeper than the emotional hurt you feel, you will find something you could change about you that will make you better and more logical than you thought you would ever be.

•    Your past is your past but it is a roadmap to a better future. Learn every part of it as it prepares you for tomorrow.

•    Meanwhile, you’ve got feelings for someone doesn’t mean you must end up together. Let it go when you notice you are not compatible. A relationship is not a must.

•    Give advice where and when it is needed except in cases you just need to. Especially with younger ones.

That’s it.

I rest my case.

My Thoughts.

©Ala Onyeka Wilcox