step back

Sometimes, I can be a weirdo. I say so primarily because I don't seem to fully understand why I think the way I do. In short growing up in the church, a few of my very senior teachers felt I was a rebel, not because I rebelled but because I asked questions they didn't necessarily have answers to. I have changed o, because I've understood that asking some questions to the wrong people would bring bad results.

As a younger girl, I was really inquisitive and outspoken. I also read anything I came across asides mills and boom novels (I wasn't a lovey-dovey freak like the usual teenager.)🙄. I did read some, but those weren't my areas of interest. So, as a teenager, I read a lot of books that were totally opposing my belief system. I read books on crime and investigation, analytics, atheism, etc. I watched horror movies at night.🤦‍♀️ I would always ask myself questions of what the people entrapped would have done differently.
Believe me when I say I am one person that can have an unwavering mind. I got to find this out through my readings and thought processing afterward.

Anytime these things seemed to make sense, I always found myself asking questions that were deeper, and somehow I got answers. I sha know that instead of what I read to make me turn to an atheist, it makes me love Jesus some more, but it makes me ask and have to answer to questions that make Christians become a ridicule in our society and see how I can fix it for myself and in turn influence others to do the right thing.

I used to advise my seniors, so I was seen as smart, intelligent and all. And if I got into an argument with you, I will intelligently rubbish you, but you see that argument, I must win.

Fast forward to growing into a young lady in my mid twenties, I took a step back from always being in the spotlight, always asking questions (based on wanting people to know I know because somewhere at the back of my head i knew the answers directly or indirectly) , always having answers to peoples questions, etc. I stepped back to unlearn, listen and learn. I decided to process slowly and attentively.

Guess what?
It has helped me a whole lot to being the lady, people applaud me to be today. I know sometimes I overdo it, but I'm learning to share when I need to and be quiet when I need to.

I was never really always patient with people. I personally had to go through stages to make that part work. I was ever really not fully judgemental. It took a while to see things from the perspective of Jesus' instruction of loving people. I was never really always soft spoken and courteous. I always wanted to be, but I always got it wrong till I stepped back to observe.

The wisest man in the Bible Solomon also observed. Notice that he didn't go about asking questions to get knowledge. After God had granted him his request, he had the assignment of paying attention to get the understanding the normal man wouldn't because they were busy being busy. For instance, he observed the ants.

The whole world is telling you at this moment to "do, do, do" but you might just need to take a chill pill and observe instead. Observe others, observe systems, observe governments, observe brands, and most importantly, OBSERVE and DISCOVER YOU.

Many might not agree, but as usual, these are just MY THOUGHTS. It's not for everybody but a few.

Ala O. Wilcox.

James 1:19

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