CEMENTED (TODAY Series, Episode 1)

Today was a good day. It came with a confirmation that my efforts to make the society a better place is not a waste. 

Today, I learnt some lessons from people which I shared via different platforms. 
It's amazing how most times we teach and give but never learn and take. By the way, hearing a thing over and over again and getting to come to the realization that you had stopped practising what you learnt is not a crime nor a sin. Don't beat yourself over what you've known but have not fully put into practice. Truth is, the more you hear, the more plastered it becomes. The hearing is like mixing cement, sand and water, at that point it's not strong but using this analogy, it would get tough after a while. The more you hear, the more the mixture gets plastered on to a surface that needs it and it gets tough enough to stand all kinds of weather. 

I was so pleased when a friend said she learnt to give change, no matter how small it was. She only kept it when she was asked to.  How did that change thing come up sef? That's gist for another day. I was just happy she included that even her mother's five naira balance is now being returned. She'll rather charge you for what she'll do than take your balance. As much as there are dicey parts to this thought, it shows integrity when you do this little act, especially if you're sent on an errand. 

The second lesson was learning to say no. I am looking for opportunities for my business to grow by getting more jobs doesn't mean I should accept every job that comes my way, especially from people I know. 
You know, it's very difficult to say no when you need people to see you're not idle, but the question is, is every job worth it? 

One of my vendors gave me advice on this too. He said I put so much effort but charge so little so he was giving me a breakdown of how they do it and not lose out completely.
After that, a friend said she learnt to say no from me. 
I just laughed and told her, I just shot myself on the leg because I actually didn't say no and I'm bearing the consequences for not saying no. 
It just taught me that it is amazing how we could know a thing and not do it. No wonder the Bible talked about our keep hearing, because only then will it be cemented in our hearts. 

I hope you learn too. 


My Thoughts.

©Ala O Wilcox

LEAVE THAT ANT

Laying on my bed and gazing at the wall, I was thinking about how my day was going to go and how plans for the day had changed drastically eventually making me feel slightly clueless for about an hour. 

My thoughts were boggling between a delivery I was to make to a client, a new artisan who had tried so hard to piss me off, my upcoming Vlog that I hadn't spoken or worked on for about two weeks, my blog and the fact I had not even thought of writing for over a week, getting lyrics and sequence of many songs into my head and still find a way to rest in the process of doing all. While I was still in the thinking process, I saw a little creäture climbing upwards the wall, going back and forth like it was searching for something.

The first thought that crossed my mind as its movement distorted my thoughts was to kill it, but as I diverted into thinking of what the Ant might be searching for, I remembered what the Bible said about ants. It was a very short recess from my original thought to the supposed need of the Ant. King Solomon used the Ant as an example for humans as regards how hardworking they are and how smart they think and work towards a more comfortable future.
The dry season is the time they gather food and of course this is that season.
While I lay down working with my mind and disturbing my head over what would have been, the Ant is searching for its meal for the future rainy season (action).

Believe me, I juggled up my thoughts from what would be done to what I should do with the time I have now, especially towards my blog, Vlog and ways to limiting any artisan's wahala in the nearest future. 

This write-up is one of the benefits of learning from the ant. 

Anyways, I still killed the ant sha cause its movement was distorting my thoughts, but I beg you to please 'Leave That Ant'. There are too many lessons to learn from it while it's still living. 

I rest my case. 

My Thoughts. 

©Ala O. Wilcox. 

#alawilcoxblog #alawilcox #writer #blogger #blog #google #mythoughts #ant #learn #leavethatant

STOP!

STOP! To start
STOP! To listen
STOP! To learn
STOP! To grow
STOP! STOP!! STOP!!!.

So many people have asked me, "Ala why did you stop being outspoken? Why did you stop being opinionated? Why did you stop speaking about everything you were known to speak about? Why did you get inactive in this area of your life that used to be hyperactive? "

Usually, I say nothing but deep down I knew the answer. I knew it was time for me to wind down, I knew it was time to STOP.

It was time for me to STOP talking, leading, speaking. It was time for me to STOP doing a lot of things without tangible results.

I had to STOP to start listening to myself. I had to STOP to start listening to God and my reasoning. I had to STOP to start listening to the world and its trends (you never know how to tackle a system if you do not know how the system operates).
I had to STOP to start listening to my elders, criticisms, my critics and the walls around me.

I had to LISTEN to learn.  I had to LISTEN to learn how to act and react in different situations. I had to LISTEN to learn to say the right things at the right time and know the right words so I can say the right things.
I had to LISTEN to learn to know when to encourage. I had to LISTEN to learn to know when to listen. I had to LISTEN to learn when to involve people or stories of others to encourage another.

I had to LISTEN to learn to GROW.
I had to LISTEN to learn to GROW in the area of my finances. To learn to GROW in the area of my spirituality. I had to learn to GROW in the area of loving my friends, making friends. I had to GROW in the area of socializing. GROW in the area of influence. GROW with respect to being the best God has called me to be. GROW in the area of fulfilling purpose. To GROW in everything that had to do with growing.

I am glad I STOPPED and I'm ready to GROW up again and again
I've learnt, and I'm still learning. I've listened, and I'm still listening. I have grown and I'm still growing.

Life is in stages. I have gotten to the stage where I think I can still STOP, LISTEN, LEARN, GROW through the process of listening, learning and growing.
I have grown to STOP, to listen. I have grown,  to STOP to learn. I have grown to STOP to grow and keep on growing.

STOP when you need to
STOP to START.

My Thoughts.

©Ala O. Wilcox

#stop #alawilcoxblog #blog #listen #learn #grow #start 

TRIPLE L

The first day I set my eyes on her, I was astonished at her eloquence and bewildered by the authenticity of her expression. Her words felt like it came deep down from the inside, devoid of pretence and not just the normal recitation of the words written and memorized to say out to those willing to hear.

It was my utmost pleasure when she joined my group as the facilitator of my group for the break out session we had. Wow! Those were my words.

As time went on, she became a friend and a sister.

By the way, I always thought she had it all together is that she was always well composed, smiling and ready to counsel and advice anyone at any time she was called upon to. Even if she wasn’t called, she’ll still try to help.

As our journey went on as friends, I got to find out the worst; some people would think.

On that fateful day, with her beautiful peach coloured nails, I admired so much, the smoothness of her hands and fingers, the green dress I was looking forward to going and seize and the Ghana braids she had on that made her look flawless, she mentioned: “I am thirty-three years”.

In my mind, I was like, “what! What kind of early evening joke is this at this time of the year?” I said to her that she was joking because sincerely, I felt she was just pulling my legs. The grin that came on her face was a crucial answer to my impending question. Dumbfounded I was, I must say.

Learning of her past, I found out she wasn’t always this bold, courageous and daunting. She actually was the total horrible opposite of who I met a few months back.

She was timid, called a liability by everyone she came across, a people pleaser (we all know we can’t please everyone), was ridiculed by mothers as they told their daughters to stay far off from her.

That’s not all. When she started getting a grip of herself and found a boy that loved her for who she was and saw the best in her, he died and that became a depressing moment for her but gave her a cause to have a direction in life.

The ill that you come across in life can be used as a bridge to discovering who you really are, what you should be doing and where you should be or want to be.

The barrister who found herself outside the law has been through an ordeal in her short over thirty years here on earth and is ready to share with those approaching thirty and above thirty how to stay woke in this hyper expectant society. The ugly, the bad, and the good have all been tested.

Ibelema Greene of The Greene Company and Adult Toddler is who you should listen to if you have so much on the inside but can’t find a way to express them all, adding to the fact that so much is expected of you from almost everyone you come across and you are approaching or above thirty years.

Living Life Limitless; THE BIG 30’s, happening on the 3^rd of November, 2018 you have to attend.

Details of the event are on the picture attached.

©Ala O. Wilcox.

BoXeD iN a FrIdGe

Together, they wanted freedom. Freedom from the emancipation they found themselves in. 

In the midst of their search for a hall they could use to gather together, they understood some mysteries. They veered into secrets they never knew existed. 

The government had locked down the stadium, the conference hall, the museum and the streets were covered with flex banners carrying so many faces. Faces that looked promising but how can they trust someone else when all they've trusted have literally stabbed their backs. They had always come to them like a knight in a shining armour, they made promises of how they would make their world better; not just a mere promise; they gave strategic plans on how they would achieve all they've said. Since they had strategic plans, it was better to trust them cause everyone needed change. Change from the old. They needed transformation from what they thought was miry. 

But

They got the change. In a way, they never understood or pre-planned. How could things turn this fast for the negative? They asked themselves. 

As confused as they are, they knew they couldn't really trust anyone but they most trust one. Now, the opportunity they have to come together to sift which, in all this locked up places are extremely slim.
How then would they choose when they've been boxed in a fridge? 

HOPE YOU'VE GOT YOUR PVC? 

©ALA O. WILCOX 

My Thoughts

RUPTURE OF MY INNER CORE (mY eNGAGeMENT StorY)

He said Onyi, I don’t just want to date you, I want to marry you. Bewildered me was wondering how the conversation had gone from how you are and how was your day to I want to marry you.

I used to spell out NO in capital letters as a teenager to anyone who asked to be in a relationship with me because I never wanted to have a boyfriend till I was at least above eighteen (18) years. That was so contrary to what most of my peers did or believed in. In fact, there was a boy I really liked in secondary school. I had told you about him in one of my previous blog posts "UNEXPECTED KISS" but because I said to myself eighteen and above, I couldn’t get myself to say yes to his request and I was greatly pained. But, I just had to keep to my words and remain disciplined. My question to myself however is, what changed?

When I was a kid, I dreamed such big dreams. Often I visualized myself as an influence, a renowned lawyer or an ambassador or a famous mass communicator and actress that could speak at least four languages. I really believed I could do, have and be whatever I wanted. I also remember how I used to feel like a young girl growing up in the environs of COLOMBIA in town (one of the most notorious and criminal environments in Port Harcourt).

I felt I couldn’t be conditioned by the illness in my environment or the stigma that came with me being brought up by a single parent or the stigma that came with me being known with different tribe names, igbani and ibo, always determined by my location at a point in time.

The fun came in form of simple pleasure like reading vastly and thinking beyond the environment I found myself in. Fun was listening to music, singing out loud as though there was nothing to limit or put a hush to the tune that came from the inside. Fun was writing simple books, stories and scripts for the betterment of my generation then.

I had an enormous curiosity for life as I dreamt beyond my family, my environment and my present circumstance. Limitation, could not hold back what the future had in store/stall for me.

I honestly don’t think I have felt that kind of freedom and joy in dreaming since adulthood began to creep in. why? What happened?

I think the answer is likely that adulthood came with so many expectations of how I should act or perhaps, I allowed the happenings around me become my reality and in turn, it shaped my thoughts toward how I approached life in general.

Few days and then a few weeks after my birthday, I have felt so empty and unfulfilled. Looking back, I’ve wondered to me what have I achieved so far? Yes, I like the money I tell you but not as you think though. I like the money I decently earned working. So, I don’t take business as a joke. BUT making money is not everything as much as it is very important.

I realized I miss being a child. Being free to dream, pursue the dream without even thinking, get a bang which can either be success or failure, nevertheless not be marred by the negative outturn rather, be strengthened to give it another try if that is the case.

I miss the innocence of the mind toward dreaming.

I ask myself if I could overcome pressure as a little girl and a teenager from my unscrupulous environment and mischievous peers why can’t I do that now?

If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand about life, it is that it doesn’t give you what you can’t handle. You just don’t know how much power you have to conquer life’s hurdles and solve the puzzles that come with your building capacity and mental growth.

I’m not in competition with anyone. I’m not trying to be like anyone. I’m open to dreaming again, going beyond that to actualizing. Some may seem crazy but do I care? Not anymore. I am only interested in how my life affects others positively. Not because everyone is doing it or for the social status that comes with it but for FULFILLMENT.

IT HAPPENED THAT TODAY, MY INNER CORE GOT RUPTURED.  I GOT ENGAGED WITH THE INNER ME, NOT THE MAN THAT YOU THINK.

My Thoughts.

©Ala O. Wilcox

Fresh Bread and Her Workers

I cried, not because I was flogged, neither was it because a guy broke my heart nor was it for reasons of me going through pain but for the consciousness of how stupid some Nigerians could be and how much some businesses don't have value for a certain perceived level of customers.

I was too tired to step out of the house that afternoon after a hectic week and an all night but I had a friend visit and I was craving for freshly baked bread (my usual snack).

With a pair of jeans, a customized Ankara t-shirt, a pair of slippers and my natural plaited hair, I stepped out under the drizzling rain to my junction where there was a bakery.

I had to wait over thirty (30) minutes standing unattended to after paying for my bread because they were attending to two (2) agents who pay a sum to collect in bulk and complete their payments after distribution.

I got so tired I retired to seating on the chair I saw empty behind me while I waited for them to bring my loaf and four doughnuts. "Oya Oya get up from my chair" that's what I heard and I took my head up surprised at why a woman will talk to her fellow woman in such arrogant manner. My response was "Madam, even if you want me to get up, should that be the way you address me? You can use a better manner able approach" and at that point, they had brought my order, so I stood up and left her throne chair for her.

To my utmost surprise, she just continued shouting, saying she had the right over the chair because she was an agent and she could tell any staff there to get up for her to. A malet's agent joined her and it was now a collabo insult. They said things like "you be agent? How many bread you wan buy sef? One (1) bread and two (2) doughnut nain you de make mouth de speak English for here? People like this no suppose to de pass this una gate sef."

Omor! I was surprised and pained but not just at their foolishness but the bakery's management. Their staff watched as they attacked without uttering a word and their accountant who just went in refused to step out.

On a normal day, they ought to put those people in order even if they have bragging rights, but I can't blame them, it just showed their interest was in people who bought in large quantities.

As for the man and lady, they spoke like they were literally paying with their personal cash and they consumed the bread themselves, they forgot its people like me that buy the bread off their shelves and smaller business owners that buy off their hands before they can make complete payments for the stock they collected.

• This incident taught me not to look down on any client/customer because truly you ought to respect everyone and give value for every cent they spend.

• I also learnt to train my workers to politely bring to order any disrespect coming from a paying customer to an intended/minimal paying customer.

• Great people could come in small or simple packages. Don't look down on anyone.

• I personally had so talked about the bread that people who know me and how stringent I can be with what it takes to be a bread I'll come back to get have started patronizing this so-called agent's vendors from their different locations. Less interest for the bread automatically stops my marketing their product which invariably means that some vendors would not be selling the number of bread they would as fast as they used to, and demands for the bread drops by a certain percentage or old stock could make people lose interest. You see the chain?

• I had intentions of using that particular bread for outreaches. Imagine me getting a thousand (1000) loaves I am to share for free on the streets (somebody will steal this one now. Hahaha), the bakery's sales would have gone up by a thousand (1000) in one day, but they lost me with one action (by allowing other customers to downsize me without protecting my small cent interest.

• I also learnt not to blame those individuals who would have paid for both their orders and taken it to the streets to give for free just to teach them the lesson of not looking down on anyone.

• Also, a paying client should not arrogantly make you have a tainted image because they want to feel important.

• Their staff couldn't say a word because the management system of the bakery had given value to the buyers and neglected empathy on the part of their staff. Treat your workers with respect.

In all, I've learnt to treat customers better than they would even treat their selves.

Jedacox Imaginations Limited can give you that special feeling especially through your space. 

I rest my case.

My Thoughts.

Your customer service could be that self-worth healing your customer might need to no longer be suicidal.

©Ala O. Wilcox.

#alawilcoxblog #blogging #freshbread #bakery #staff #employee #customer #workers #mythoughts #interiordesigner #jedacoximaginations