TEARFUL😢 THOUGHTS

Have you ever asked yourself why do bad things always happen to the good me?

I used to be very naïve with trusting people while I was growing up. I felt that because my mind could not phantom being envious of someone, or jealous of ones gifting or gifts (in every form), or because I didn't understand how and why I should take what is not mine without permission, everyone else was like that.

I'm not saying I'm perfect o. There were days I wished I could have what somebody had and there were days I felt that person didnt deserve what the person had or has, but I always snapped myself out of it and came back to reality that it was not mine and there was a reason God allowed whoever had what to have it.
So in my naïve mind, everyone could control their feelings the way I did.

My most naïve innocent thoughts were for church people.🤦‍♀️💆‍♀️ I always felt that the words they heard, somehow made changes to them and they should just know some things.
I was the girl in church that people could be doing underground things but I would never suspect. Why? Because I trusted that they knew what, was right and should live by what they knew.
I was always the one who would know what would have happened when 'water don pass garri'. It made no difference to my thoughts, though.

I grew up seeing people hurt my mum but my mum didn't train me to be nasty to them and I didn't allow that blur my love for the people that hurt her. Instill went on errands for them and greeted them genuinely. When I got of age to say my mind, I confronted them, got the beating of my life and will still be ok with them.

Mum warned me about my over trusting, but I wasn't listening, until people started revealing their identities. I was the sanguine teenager. Always laughing, very friendly, overtly open to everyone but the people I trusted most would 'finish me' like mortal combat will say.
People lied about me, carried wrong rumours of me, stole from me, envied me and still hugged and smiled at me, etc.

When the scale started falling from my eyes, I became too careful not to fall into the trap so much that it was difficult to make friends. When I did, I wasn't willing to be extremely close to the point of becoming besties.

I thought that was the solution but then again, humans remain humans and you literally can't make people become who you think they should be, but your actions and inactions can influence them to want to be a better version of themselves.
I've been severely hurt emotionally, psychologically, physically, mentally, spiritually, especially by Christian's, but I found out that God has taken me through the path of forgiveness and accommodating the people who hurt me to the point that I feel like it's hurting me.

There are many days and nights I cry and tell God, "please can I just react to this one? It hurts too badly and I am human too." But deep down I only get the nudge to use peace. And as time goes on, I realize that God has used that to help me see the good in people, no matter how bad they seem to be.
Please don't get it twisted, I don't tolerate everything, but somewhere in my heart, there's always a place of 'there could be a better version of this person.' Anyone who knows me well would know that I can be a very critical person but it doesn't stop me from seeing the best and wishing for the best in people.

I've learnt to be open to the possibilities of having a better world with better people, but I'm still learning cause some pain can be nerve cracking and smile stealing. I know God is using every situation to mould me into 'the me' He has already crafted/planned for the future.

Don't miss the lessons in your good, bad, ugly moments. Trust your process. And your reaction could be the driving force to the transformation that should occur.

My tearful thoughts.
ALA O. WILCOX

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